Earl Grey
by 666BloodyHell666
Summary: She should have named the cat Patrick Jane. (Little bit of Jibson) Disclaimer: Do not own the Mentalist. -Few choice words that are inappropriate for 'T' rating, but not enough for an 'M' rating in my opinion.


Earl Grey

It had all started a week ago while she was walking to her car late Friday night.

She had heard recently that there was a stray cat wandering around the parking lot of the CBI. So she wasn't too surprised to see it there staring at her with big blue eyes when she walked out of the building with a piece of case closed pepperoni pizza in hand. Feeling bad for it, she had taking some of the pepperoni off and given it to the cat before making her way to her car. What happened next is what surprised her.

The cat followed her after eating the pizza toppings, and sat there looking up at her meowing as she opened the car door.

She couldn't leave it there, so she did the rational thing…took it home.

The next day she took him… yes the cat was a HE and he was fixed so that the upside to picking up this stray cat, anyway she took him to the vet to make sure there was no fleas and to register him. At first she was just going to drop him off at the shelter but after cuddling with the cat on the couch the night before she just couldn't let him go.

So she registered him and got the documents, the collar, the tag and the shots.

Of course she hadn't thought of what to call him until the papers were pushed in front of her, making her think quick and coming up with what she felt was good name for him.

Earl Grey is what she called him. His fur was the colour of the tea he was named after, and he seemed calm, relaxed and warm; just like how she felt when drinking the tea.

Now a week later she realized she should have called him 'Patrick Jane'

This…This_ cat_ was Patrick Jane. No seriously if was fucking Patrick Jane in cat form.

Earl Grey did everything she told him what NOT to do and when she got home he all but demanded her attention.

She couldn't even talk on the phone without him getting in the way. If she tried to read a book, or do some of the paper work she brought home from work Earl Grey would jump onto the table and flop down on the papers or jump onto her lap and lightly pad her face. When talking on the phone he'd meow and run through her feet to get her attention.

And she learned very quickly that laying her CLEAN clothes out on the bed was a very bad idea.

Earl Grey also loved to hog the bed. He'd crawl under the coves and lay smack dab in the middle of the bed, or he'd just sleep on her pillow. And if she tried to move him he'd either bite or scratch her; sometimes both if he was in a mood.

He also pouts… at first she thought it was amusing seeing him sitting there in the middle of the room with his back turned to her, but then he's pouts just go annoying because he'd follow her around, stay in the same room as her, but ignore her.

And let's not forget the little temper tantrums. If she didn't pet him and scratch her chin before she left the house she'd come home to a mess. Who know that something so small could make such a mess? He'd go into the kitchen cabinets and knock things out of them, or he'd go to the bathroom and 'play' with the towel paper, and somehow he'd get it all over the house.

Earl Grey was Patrick Jane… God must really hate her.

-Kitty Cat-

It was Monday; she had packed up her work bag, along with her gym bag that had a change of clothes just in case, along with her travel mug filled with warm coffee.

As she left she noticed that Earl Grey was no were in sight. Part of her was sad but then again she stepped on his tail this morning and he'd run off somewhere like usual when 'injured'; make a big scene then go off somewhere to sulk and lick his wounds.

She should have noticed that her gym bag was heavier than normal. She was Agent Teresa Lisbon; homicide detective.

Nope she didn't notice something was amiss until she was an hour in and Van Pelt walked into her office.

That is when they both heard the loud meow that came from corner of her office.

She blushed and Van Pelt looked confused, but then lit up like a Christmas tree when she walked over to her gym bag and took out Earl Grey.

"Awe, boss, I didn't know you owned a cat" of course she didn't, she made sure no cat hair got onto her clothes, and work stuff. She didn't even take pictures of him with her phone.

She totally didn't have a digital camera stocked full of cat pictures…nope not her, she wasn't some crazy cat lady…and he really wasn't that cute…no totally didn't have a camera full of Earl Grey…well…maybe, but who had to know?

"Yeah, I picked him up last week."

"Can I show the guys?"

"Animals are allowed in the CBI unless they're authorized, its best you keep him in here."

"Please boss? I'm sure he'd be board in your office, and I finished all my work." She knew that Earl Grey would be _perfectly_ fine in her office; the damned cat was _perfectly _fine sitting there with her while she was in the bathroom…even when she was showering he'd lay on the floor and wait for her.

"Grace, you stay here and pet him if you want. I don't want him wandering around the CBI and causing trouble." Because she _knew_ he would.

With a nod, Van Pelt sat down on her couch and proceeded to pet and talk to Earl Grey until he had enough of her and jumped from her lap. That was when Rigsby decided to open the door to talk to her.

Earl Grey ran out of the office and into the bullpen without so much as a glance towards her. The little shit.

"Oh hey Boss…umm what that cat?"

"Yes it was." She stood up and walked around her desk. "And yes in know it's against CBI regulations to have animals at work, but he crawled into my gym bag and I didn't notice until I was already here."

Cho walked up behind Rigsby.

"The cat's yours?"

"Yes. Did you catch him?"

"No" figures.

She shooed everyone out of her office and got them all back into the bullpen.

"So what is going on? I doubt you came to my office just to talk about the weather Rigsby."

"Well I just got a call from SACPD about a body found in a dumpster on a state university."

"Alright then, Cho and you go to the body, Van Pelt you stay here and man the phones… I need find my cat…oh has anyone seen Jane?"

"I think he's in the attic." Of course he was in the attic; probably looking through his little book of suspects, of people he shook hands with.

"Alight, call me if there are any problems. I'll catch up with you guys later." And with that she walked away. First she'd go to Jane, and then she'd look for Earl Grey and take him home.

-Kitty Cat-

She knew she shouldn't have been surprised to see Jane sitting on the chair in his attic with Earl Grey on his lap purring as loud as can be. He had turned his chair so it was facing the door. He smiled when she walked in.

"Earl Grey, Lisbon? Sort of a lame name."

"No it's not."

"Hmn liar, you think its lame. Although it does suit him, his fur is the colour of the tea, and it's a very good tea mind you. In fact I have a pot with me right now, would you like a cup?"

"Do not think its lame" she knew it was useless to argue with Jane, but really it wasn't that she thought the name waslame she just thought she should of called him something else…like Patrick fucking Jane. it wasn't creepy at all.

"And no I don't want any tea, we have a case."

"Hmm… it's not shame… so why are you unhappy with his name?"

"Jane we have a case."

"Yes I heard you the first time, but you have presented me with a little puzzle."

"A puzzle?"

"Yes, you see my dear, I am a man of observation and you have shown no signs of owning a pet, along with that you break CBI rules and bring him here-"

"I didn't do it on purpose! He crawled in my bag this morning when I was getting ready."

"Hmmm… so he's a trouble maker"

"Yes he is, now _let's go_" she was getting tired of this game. She knew he was trying to read her.

"Yes yes, very well." He stood up, Earl Grey still in his arms still purring…traitor.

"No need to be jealous Lisbon. He just simply likes me better."

Rolling her eyes she turned and walked away. If he was going to be an ass then she was leaving. She'd had enough of his mocking, especially with all the stunts he's pulled, and the same could be said for Earl Grey. She hadn't forgiven him for rolling all over her nice new black dress that she bought to wear for the poker game.

she lead them to her car in silence, and she all but ignored the looks Jane was getting while they walked through the building, him with a purring cat in his arms. She was astonished that people were still so…so surprised? Shocked? Or what was that word?

Whatever.

Jane was been working with the CBI for nearly a decade, everyone but the rookies should be used to him and his shenanigans.

She got into the car and started it after Jane put his seat belt on.

"…Is Earl Grey really that lame of a name?"

"Nice rimming there Lisbon, and no its not. I happen to think it's unique, but you still haven't answered my question as to why you're unhappy with his name."

"It's not that I'm unhappy with it."

"You think you should call him something else."

"Yes."

Silence

"Well?"

"Well what Jane?"

"What do you want to call him?"

"Jaaannne." She didn't mean to sound so whiny but she really didn't want to talk about it.

"Hm. So it's a name you don't think is appropriate. Is it sexual?"

"What!? NO!" god this man was just so…

"hmmn not sexual….is it a bad word?"

"No."

More silence, he was in deep thought,

"Patrick Jane."

"Wh-what?" smooth Lisbon, that totally didn't give it away.

"Ah-ha! You want to name your cat after me, well I'm honored Lisbon, I know i'm great and all and if you really missed me I could just-"

"He reminds me of you; complete pain in the ass."

"Now that's not very nice."

"You asked for it."

"Umm, no I didn't."

"How about you go back to writing names down in that little book of yours."

Asshole rolled his eyes at her

"No need to be so snarky and I don't believe this cat is so much of a pain that he warrants my name."

"Honestly Jane, he is so much like you sometimes it's as if you actually turned into a cat."

"Don't be silly, and how is he like me anyway?"

"Never listens-"

"I do."

"Always trying to get my attention or keep my attention."

"Do not."

"Does things to either increase my workload or gets in the way of my work."

"Oh come on. I'm not that bad."

"Makes a big scene when 'injured'"

"Not all of us are as tough as you."

"Pouts when not getting what he wants."

"I do not pout."

"Oh but you do."

"You're just jealous."

"Of what?"

"Of my greatness."

"Hmm let me think about that… Nope that's not it."

"It has to be cause all those things you said are nothing more than crazy talk."

Rolling eyes and now putting car in park.

She picked up Earl Grey gently and took him inside. She knew he wasn't too happy of being taken off Jane's lap but she couldn't have him getting hurt and such, she also knew that she'd come home to a mess tonight because of it.

Then she went back to Jane.

"Really is a nice cat."

"I know, that's why I've kept him."

"hmm, so even though he makes you want to pull your hair out, you like him enough to keep him around."

"Yes, he's a good companion, besides he knows when I'm upset or just not feeling well, and I like cuddling with him it helps relax me along with melting away my tension, even if he makes me want to scream."

A smile came across Jane's face.

"…I can make you scream, melt away all the tension and have you relax at the same time."

"_JANE!_"

-Kitty Cat-

Have no idea where this came from. Just started typing and BAM I got this.

If there is any spelling or grammar mistakes please let me know.


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